The Viral Video That Can Help Christians Discuss Hot Topics
In an increasingly polarised and outrage-driven culture, I saw a viral video that was a balm to the soul.
At a time when we’re quick to anger and fast to argue, this video featured a teacher talking to a student about one of our culture’s hot topics: transgenderism. Or more particularly, the student’s view of J.K. Rowling as a transphobic bigot.
The video is only four minutes long, featuring the interchange between the student and the teacher. But is well worth watching to the end (especially to see the student’s response):
The teacher is a brilliant model of how to engage well with an explosive issue, in a way that lowers the emotional temperature and keeps the bridge of conversation open rather than burning it. Here’s what Christians should take away from this interchange:
1) When it comes to controversial topics, avoid arguments by first exploring what the other person believes.
When a controversial topic comes up, it’s easy for all of us to dig in and become defensive.
We want to defend our position and show why the other person’s view is wrong. We feel threatened by having our views challenged. And if the other person does the same, you can be sure there will be fireworks (yes, I’m speaking from experience). And when you add social media into the mix, the fireworks are almost guaranteed (there’s something about keyboards that turns even mild-mannered people into angry culture warriors).
But instead of launching into battle, a much better, much wiser way is to spend the conversation exploring what the other person believes (and why). If instead of turning the conversation into a boxing match, you turn it more into a journalistic interview (where you take on the role of a journalist exploring the other person’s views), you’ll more likely keep the conversation friendly. And once the other person has their say (and feels heard by you), they’ll be more open to hearing your point of view (which rarely happens if the conversation is a boxing match).
How does the teacher in the video do this?
a) He asks questions about what the other person believes (in this case, the specifics of what J.K. Rowling said).
b) He then asks questions about why the other person believes what they do (why they think it’s bigoted).
c) Throughout it all, he’s reflecting back what the student is saying, to ensure the student feels heard (a crucial way of lowering the emotional temperature).
Be an explorer not a boxer in your conversations. And don’t be surprised if your conversations move from boxing matches to calm respectful discussions. Even on controversial issues - which (let’s be honest) in today’s culture can include the gospel.
2) Always be gracious and kind: don’t put others down for their beliefs.
Thanks to the teacher, by the end of the conversation the student realises he doesn’t have a rational, coherent view of J.K. Rowling’s stance on the transgender issue but has simply absorbed the emotional cultural narrative.
To his credit, the student admits this at the end, and says ‘I feel like an idiot.’
But notice the teacher’s response: he doesn’t gloat. He doesn’t put the student down with barbed comments (e.g. ‘yes, you should feel like an idiot’). Rather, he affirms the student and says that’s ok, that’s the whole point of the conversation.
Oh, to see more of that attitude on social media, even among Christians!
3) Respectfully share your view (but only after you’ve heard and understood their view).
After the teacher explored the student’s view of J.K. Rowling, this opened opportunities for the teacher to inject his view of the situation. But notice how the teacher shares his view:
So, when I hear that, I'm interpreting that as meaning: if a woman says…there is a difference between men and female and then [unfairly] being attacked as transphobic, I think that's what she's saying.
He uses ‘I’ statements, saying it’s his interpretation, which is a humble way of moving into the conversation. And this tends to lower the emotional temperature of the conversation. The other person feels less threatened. After all, there are few things more anger-inducing than speaking with an arrogant person on a topic you disagree about.
Why speaking like this is not optional for Christians
While Christians can learn from this teacher, the reality is Christians of all people should be known for engaging others in that way.
In James 1:19 we read:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…
While outrage over hot topics is the norm of our society, imagine if Christians were known for being people who were different. Who listened patiently. Who spoke graciously. And reasoned carefully.
That would be impactful, to say the least.