What This Same-Sex Attracted Pastor Said About Churches and Sexuality
Vaughan Roberts is a same-sex attracted Christian Pastor in the UK.
At the recent National Training Event for the Aussie Campus ministry AFES, he did a training seminar on sexuality. Here’s what he said about how churches should respond pastorally to sexuality:
1) Churches must remain firm on the truth
Churches and Christians are under increasing pressure to compromise on biblical sexuality. But instead of giving in to secular cultures’ views of sexuality, we must speak with Scriptural clarity. As per Jude 3-4, Churches must ‘contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.’ Including on the issue of sexuality.
2) Be open about our struggles (2 Cor 12:9)
Christians haven’t always been good at sharing (or responding to) struggles, especially in the sexual realm. We need to support each other and not be shocked to hear that we struggle with sexual sin.
And as we confess our weaknesses, we open the door to God’s grace working powerfully in and through those weaknesses (2 Cor 12:9).
(To use a metaphor I heard from Tim Keller, our churches should be more like the waiting room for the Doctor rather than the waiting room for job interviewees: we should admit that we all need (God’s) help).
3) Be clear on our identity
Our sexual failures (and illicit sexual desires) are part of our history, our reality, and our experience.
But they don’t define who we are. Christ Jesus gives us our Ultimate identity, which eclipses all other identities. And if we remember our new identity in Christ, we’ll face our struggles – sexual and otherwise – with gospel-fueled hope and joy that nothing can take away.
4) Be positive about singleness
Churches have often struggled with what to do about singleness and single people.
Roberts gave the story of a young adults group, which had the charming name ‘Pairs and Spares’ (referring to whether people were in a relationship or single). With a name like that, no doubt the single people in that group felt loved and valued (!).
But as we see in Scripture, the Lord Jesus was single as was the Apostle Paul. Singleness must be held up as biblically virtuous and good (1 Cor 7:8), not something to look down on or escape from at all costs.
5) Be strong on fellowship (Mark 10:29-30)
The world says you can only have intimacy within marriage (or other sexual relationships).
That’s a lie.
Christians should have spiritual friendships with fellow believers. As Jesus points out, those who leave everything and follow Him should receive ‘houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children’ by virtue of the family of God (Mark 10:29-30).
Nobody should feel isolated in the family of God.
6) Be full of the gospel (1 Cor 6:9-11)
The gospel makes the Christian life liveable and joyous amid our struggles.
Yes, when it comes to sexuality, biblical commandments must inform our thinking and practice.
But these Biblical commandments spring from the gracious gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. Remembering the privileges of the gospel will help us respond joyfully to our struggles and the struggles of one another.
Roberts had a lot more to say about sexuality, but hearing this guidance from a Christian Pastor who is same-sex attracted helped reaffirm that biblical sexuality is not something to be ashamed of but something good to uphold. Especially as Christians who struggle (together) with sin in this present evil age.
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